Tuesday 27 April 2010

All is not well...

I have been off work the last two days with a heavy cold. On Sunday night as I went to bed I suddently developed a really congested nose and a headache. I did not sleep at all all night long so needless to say felt dreadful in the morning. Yesterday, once I eventaully surfaced late morning, I flitted around the house feeling as though I wanted to do something but was really too tired. I ended up reading my book and watching a bit of TV - Dr Who on BBC iPlayer is brilliant! Matt Smith is fantastic! I didn't sleep great last night either and haven't been in to work today. I felt pretty rough up until after lunch when I had a couple of painkillers - which have also helped the pain from the pulled muscle in my neck I have managed to acquire - and now don't feel too bad. The tiredness really sets off my OCD and from yesterday morning I have been going over what I should do with my day even though I know I would not usually even be at home. I also tend to feel the need to define myself. I know this sounds odd and wonder if anyone else who has anxiety finds this too. It's as though I am insecure and I need to reconfirm to myself who I am and what I "do" in my life. Does this make me sound really weird?!
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2 comments:

  1. expwoman27 April 2010 at 12:50

    This sounds familiar. I have a version of this, where I obsess about whether I am doing the "right" thing at any given moment of the day. What if I choose the wrong task? What if it's at the wrong time? My compulsion has been to freeze and put off doing anything, for fear of making a mistake. Or go over in my mind what would be the best thing to do. I've worked in therapy to practice choosing what to do, even if it's "wrong"--it helps me to think of my "best guess" as to what I want to do in accordance with what I value and what is important to me, even as the ocd does a lot of squawking.

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  2. myOCDlife2 May 2010 at 03:16

    I guess doing what you think might be right is better than doing nothing out of fear - more productive anyway! I will think of that next time, thanks. I like your "squawking" description of OCD. That's funny.

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