Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Claiming back my time!

Since getting on top of my preoccupation with my problems I have found my production levels have increased. At work and otherwise I am able to think so much better. I had forgotten how much of your life being preoccupied claims. That feeling of not being able to just get on. Not being able to do stuff I need to do or fun stuff I want to do. There was always this niggle in my mind, tapping on my shoulder saying  "Hey. Think about me, think about me"! It is still frequently there but not quite as strong. I just try to ignore it. The more I ignore it the easier I find it. I guess it's because the less I do it the happier and more in control I feel so the pull in that direction in my mind fades. I have noticed my OCD wanting a bit of attention at work lately but I think that is just because I am quite busy which of course increases stress levels. I am trying to control it by allowing myself to only do what is reasonable in order to avoid all the repetitive checking. I still check a little more than is strictly reasonable or necessary but I am better than I used to be.

Something which really helps to pull me out of my inside world is Karate. I spend a lot of time obsessing about my problems and what to do about them and then there is all the other general noise going on in my mind. Karate brings me out of all that and into the present which enables me to find my focus. Karate is something which requires dedication, commitment and focus, of course. So once I am in that frame of mind I can more easily feel my feet on the ground in the real world. Not that I usually live in a parallel universe but sometimes I think I might as well! I have a few goals coming up in karate so I aim to switch my focus to that and perhaps I will then be able to focus more easily on the rest of my life and it will all fall into place! Optimistic? Probably :o). But one can hope. 

I have not encountered any of my extreme anxiety triggers over the last few days so have not been able to test my skills at rationalising. I am sure something will be along shortly...

Friday, 14 September 2012


I often get into a state because of the way I see things. If anxious I feel that the smallest of issues is a disaster waiting to happen which must be prevented immediately or if I'm feeling negative I see things as deeply depressing and of extreme seriousness. I become shrouded in gloom with no light in sight. I realise how dramatic this sounds but it really is all consuming. Maybe I have the opposite problem to rose tinted glasses! There is a lot of "self-help" out there and I have found useful info specifically for anxiety and depression which teaches us to challenge anxious and negative thoughts. I have mentioned before that I also find Buddhism useful since it suggests we use awareness to look at reality from an objective view rather than our own automatic perception. The question is though when the dark feelings descend can I see to stop and question my thoughts and feelings and find the real "truth" of the situation within the mess of my mind? If I can I am free of I cannot...

I got into a state last weekend because I misjudged the seriousness of something which happened. Next time something happens I aim to ask myself if my feelings are reasonable. Would a "normal" person think like that? I think I usually know they would not but don't progress much further than that. If only I can find a way to be calm, objective and reasonable. This way I will be in a better position to question my thoughts and feelings and recognise I am misinterpreting the situation and see it for what it really is. This would really be huge progress.