Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Kind of as expected...

Well, checking the alarm went pretty much as expected last night. Not quite as stressful as I thought and didn't take quite as long but still was hard work. At least from now on it's set at the right time so I just need to set it rather than check the time which does not take as long.

I won't be locking up each morning this week as there is someone in each day - so whatever to talk about?? There are lots of other areas in which I have OCD but tend to write mostly about locking up as it is the most frequent and problematic. Some other things I need to check are things at work - for example I am a PA so I arrange a lot of meetings which means double, triple checking the date and time of the meeting and that the meeting room is booked etc. I also need to check things like my bank card is in my wallet after buying something. I have another form of checking in my mind where I compulsively go over and over something repeatedly. It can be a list (which is not so bad as I can write that down and don't need to go over it in my mind so much) or it can be someting I'm trying to resolve or work out. If I am really worried it is terrible because I just cannot stop going over it almost word for word in my head. It is like a record stuck on reapeat. It can last for a day or more at times which is quite depressing and makes me feel like I might go a bit crazy. This is the worst form of my problem.

Something nice now. I went to see the new film A Single Man which just swept me away. I love it for many reasons; the characters and story and the images are beautiful. One thing that really struck me though was the order. The main character is so particular, neat and tidy. I do not have this type of OCD though, where I have to have everything tidy and placed in a certain way. I think I appreciate this because I belive that what is going on inside is refleted in what is going on outside so I guess he must have a clear mind. I have always had a very cluttered mind and fairly cluttered surroundings. I have always aspired to be clear minded. I am having a bit of a clear out at home too at the moment! I have only just started tackling my OCD and have seemed to progress slowly but surely and this is where I am at now. Slowly moving forward and clearing out my mind and belongings. Strange but liberating! More about this tomorrow...

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