Saturday, 30 January 2010

Hangover happened

Well on Thursday the hangover happened. Locking up at lunchtime to go to work wasn't too bad considering but work was though. When I'm unwell, tired or hungover (not expecting any sympathy on the latter!)I always seem to be more anxious. I work as a secretary so it means I'm responsible for arranging meetings and business trips. You can imagine, being a checker, how much fun my OCD has with me! Details, details, all the little details. It's hard enough that I feel the need to check multiple times because of the OCD but in the company I work for we are actively encouraged to check, check and triple check. It goes without saying of course that you should check your work whatever it is that you do but as all people with OCD know there's necessary checking and needless compulsive checking - it is so wearing. I was exhausted by the end of Thursday. Lack of sleep on Thursday night (could not switch off from work) meant that it was similar on Friday. I wonder if I am making enough effort with the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I don't think I am so will try to be more disciplined and see how I go.

I'd like to point out that I realise some people might think why on earth does she go out drinking and induce a hangover when it makes her problems worse?! but you see one effect of OCD is that it makes people feel as though they cannot live a "normal" life. Going out with your friends and having a couple of drinks (not more as I hate being drunk) is normal and I feel as though I have missed out on so many things, especially earlier on in my life when it was debilitating, that I just want to do those ordinary, small, enjoyable things. I just have to use judgement and take care with each occasion. I am very aware of myself and my health.

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