Saturday, 15 May 2010
Alarm...
I have been coping fairly well over the last few months with my compulsions to check. Some days are better than others. The repetition of internal thoughts has also been very good indeed apart from occasions usually when I am tired or under the weather. Since I have been really tired this week I have struggled a lot with repetitive thoughts but am hoping a restful weekend will help out with that. One thing though which I cannot seem to put a stop to is checking my alarm. Each night before I go to bed, on a "school" night, I have to check my alarm many times just in case I did not set it and I don't get up for work which I feel would be a disaster. I even have two alarms in case one does not go off but of course that means checking two! Does that make it easier or harder? Not sure. I used to go to bed each night repeating a list of things which worry me and the purpose of this is to reasure although it's pretty tough getting to sleep when you're repeating a list to yourself! I have started to do this again this last week because of my tired state of mind. Please let it pass. Still have to come up with a plan for the alarm checking though. Perhaps limit myself to two checks each alarm. Any ideas welcome.
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How do you decide you've checked enough times? Do you feel "just right" or "finished"? I think those who don't have ocd find it easier to feel "done". If you have ocd and you are waiting for this feeling, it may never come. Sometimes I try delaying checking something, even if it's just by a minute, and gradually going longer and longer, until my brain adjusts to the anxiety and it starts to fade.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel "just right" but sometimes that never comes and I get frustrated. I then try to rationalise that I am in this situation because of OCD and not because I genuinely need to check. Somehow I manage to stop and leave the house/stop checking. I used to take 30 mins or more to check as I was always needing the "just right" feeling but now I have it down to 10-12 mins because I have a better understanding if it so I control it better. Maybe I feel less anxious? This is all with CBT. I must say the most satisfying thing is staring the thing in the face i.e. feeling full on "I have to check" and then not doing because I know it's just OCD and then later the fear fades and I think YES I beat you! That's tough though. Maybe tomorrow!
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