Sunday, 7 October 2012

Strict, slack or somewhere in between?

If your not disciplined and strict are you slack? Where is the happy medium and how do I get there?

I know I am very hard on myself. I always have been. If I make a small mistake I am very upset and annoyed with myself. I know that my disappointment with myself is often disproportionate to the situation yet I cannot stop it. It causes me to feel anxious and low. I try to rationalise but don't manage this until after I have felt very bad for a while first. It is similar in this respect to my disproportionate anxiety when it's triggered by a relatively small threat. It takes a long time for me to calm down and come to my senses - to be blunt. Now I understand I need to learn to go easier on myself but where do you draw the line between being strict and being slack? If you say "Oh well, never mind that I did not do well. Better luck next time". Are you just being fair to yourself or are you being slack because you either don't care or cannot be bothered? I really believe that if I said "Oh well never mind" I would never endeavour to progress. We are told that we should be kind to ourselves and not take things so seriously but then we don't learn or improve - surely? Am I wrong? I have spent half the weekend annoyed because of a small mistake I made and whilst I know I need to correct the mistake I don't think I should feel so bad - but I still do. 

I guess I am thinking that feeling bad about something you did not achieve or do well motivates you to improve but it is also true that if those feeling lead to depression you can lose all enthusiasm and motivation. I wonder how I can feel it enough to be motivated but not so much that I am down. How can I find my happy medium? 

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