Saturday, 13 October 2012

Perspective - Found it!

The other day I was getting very wound up about a karate competition I have in November. I was being overly critical and harsh with myself about practise and preparation. I then became very involved with things at work and became busy in my home life getting the decorating finished in time for Christmas and also the Christmas present shopping - already but I like to get it done in good time! This pressed me to find a way to cope with it all. I had "a word with myself" as I like to call it and decided that I needed to get perspective and calmly get on with it all if I wanted things to be less chaotic and stressful. I am now managing to think more realistically about my tasks and goals without the sergeant major attitude I develop about perfection. This has made me see that I simply need to work hard and do my best with a positive attitude not a strict, critical attitude which my insecurities and fears inflict upon me. It's so easy when you can see this. I have experienced similar situations before when I have only had one thing to focus on I have got very intense about it. When more things come along which I need to deal with I seem develop a more balanced attitude so I can cope with the load. 

Of course fear of making a mistake or failure or simply lacking in confidence has a strong part to play in being too hard on myself. When I am afraid I feel things are vitally important and that it is imperative I do things to perfection and I am terrible and not worthy if I do not. When I am more confident I cope better when things don't go as I'd choose. Since I have not been so preoccupied with my problems lately and am freed from the OCD loop in my head I have been happier generally and my confidence has grown because now I can think! 

I made a little mistake at work a couple of days ago and instead or berating myself I thought no harm done, won't do that again, move on. Not beating myself up about it I have realised does not mean that I don't care it just means I haven a sense of perspective and reason.

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