Thursday, 23 February 2012
Ever since my first driving lesson I have been living under what I call a Black cloud which is basically the way I have felt. Anxious, fearful, negative and down. It is as though I am trapped in this way of thinking and cannot see a way to brake free. I seem to get lost in a dark world where I cannot see reason. The negativity is so intense. I was at first feeling inferior because I find driving hard. This brought about feelings of inferiority in other areas of my life. I managed to stop feeling that way through reasoning. The feelings then moved to intense fear coupled with negativity. Yesterday I had a think about it all and how I am so fed up of feeling this way and how hugely it effects my life. I realised that I really need to learn to see reason and stop the black cloud early on. I am sure I have said this before though. It is tough. I also realised that while I am living under this black cloud I lose enthusiasm, joy and energy generally and become less enthusiastic about the things I love which is unfortunate because these are the things which keep you going. My fear of driving is making me so fearful and down that I am less enthusiastic about things. I decided I simply must put a stop to that. I'm not sure how to tackle it but my first plan is to face all fears directly and don't allow myself to back out of anything. Be strong.