Monday, 26 July 2010

Oh to be thin and anxiety free...

Recently I have been feeling as though I have gained too much weight. I tried on some old dresses the other day and felt big in all of them. I bought two of them about ten years ago and in that time I have lost loads of weight and put it back on. It’s the second bit that bothers me. One dress fit me last December when I bought it for the work Christmas party. It’s only July and it is really quite tight. I realise that until very recently I had been hungry most of the time as I tried so hard to be thinner but trying on the dresses now has really made me think. How big will I get?! I know I need to eat enough for my health and that hunger causes problems with my anxiety and OCD but I do feel as though I have excess I should lose. Sometimes I think it doesn't matter what size society dictates women should be and others I think why don't I look like that thin girl over there? Since realising I am easily influenced by the opinons of others I have come to the conclusion that, of course, it is my opinion which matters not other peoples. I do feel uncomfortable and as though I have gained too much. The question is how to loose some and deal with my increased anxiety, hopefully just while I adjust to it. I know I have been here before but I feel I must do something now.

1 comment:

  1. It sucks to have this kind of weight anxiety--I am sorry you are dealing with this. Remember, it is probably the OCD demanding that you answer the question, "How big will I get?"--and that is not something you can know in advance, and the question alone will stir up all sorts of anxiety. I deal much better with food if my OCD is under control--I hope you are finding some treatment for the OCD.