Wednesday 2 May 2012
Something weird happened this morning
I left the house and began to walk down the street to the station. After about 150 yards I suddenly thought did I switch off the bathroom light? At the moment I don't usually put the light on as it's daylight when I get up but this morning I put the light on while I was in there for a minute just before I left so it is not part of my routine. I was not particularly worried about it just annoyed. I thought it will bug me all day if I don't check it. Going back to the house to check something is, to me, a serious step backwards in dealing with my OCD but today was different somehow. I decided to go back but as I said it did not feel as though it was so much because I was worried but because it annoyed me. I went back and found I had turned it off. I am confused. Would a "normal" person have gone back not because of worry but because it would bug them? It seems odd to me. At one time threat and the subsequent feelings of worry would be at the forefront of my mind. I don't feel my OCD is becoming worse but I will be interested to see how I manage to lock up on Friday.
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This is interesting. I've heard (I can't remember if it was my therapist or someone else or if I read it) that if you think it might be OCD, it probably is. Since this felt different, maybe it wasn't OCD.
ReplyDeleteWhichever it was, you were mindful of what you were doing--you didn't react automatically and go into compulsive ritual mode. That's great!