Well I have tried this before and really did quite well but like many things it slips back if I don't keep control of it. At first I am strict and manage to get on top of it and in control and happy about it. Then because I am relaxed about it I seem to occasionally let my grip go and give in to the temptation but still feel happy with my progres overall. Then I slowly let it slide more and more frequently until it's gained control once more. Why do I do this? Surly I cannot forget the horror of feeling helpless and powerless when it takes hold of me? The feeling that I am at the bottom of a long, deep, dark hole with no way to climb out. The trouble also is that by then my confidence and self-esteem have gone too. Not only do I feel like I have to get myself out of this hole but have no confidence at all that I can do it. Apart from the fact that I have of course done it before. This fact really is the light at the end of the tunnel which keeps me going. Where would I be without my CBT self-help book too?! It has been a great help to me and is purely the reason why I have managed as (relatively) well as I have. I have still not been given an appointment to see a psychologist. The waiting list is one year which is up in November so I guess it should be any time soon. I think I will have to adopt for my progress with OCD the same attitude I have towards practising sports which is that when you progress to the point where you are doing well you must not assume that that is it I am good now so I can relax the effort and stop because of course that is foolish. To stay at a level you need to practise all the time again and again. We'll see how I go this time.
By the way on the dieting I wrote about a while ago, that has predictably fallen flat on its face. Not because I lack discipline (honest!) but because I am just so bloomin' hungry! I don't know what on earth to do on that one. I go from being comfortable being a bit bigger and actually feel quite empowered that I can accept my womanly shape to hating the weight and feeling inadequate and a failure that I cannot manage to be thinner. I know the logical thing is to accept myself the way mother nature made me but it's hard.
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