Progressively in control

I had my last appointment for my CBT for GAD on Wednesday. It was my follow up appointment after my treatment finished three months ago. During the three months I have managed my anxiety quite well. I have felt generally less anxious in that time because I have the knowledge to deal with it if I need it. Oh how we like reassurance! I have also been quite confident in using this knowledge successfully - most of the time. My practitioner was very pleased with my quick progress due to my grasp of the CBT. She commented on how relaxed I seemed compared to previously. I felt it too. I felt as though I was more in charge of my life and as though I have achieved what I set out to. Rather than eagerly waiting for her words of wisdom so I could sort my mind out. Let's hope I can make sure it continues...

Down and up

I have been feeling a bit down and self critical for a long while now. I decided to buy a book on Depression. It is by Robert. L. Leahy who's books on anxiety I have read and they were very helpful indeed. It is called "Beat the Blues Before They Beat You". There was a description of how someone with depression thinks, of their thought processes and it is pretty much how I have been thinking. In a nut shell, constantly feeling that I am not successful enough, things don't go right and generally being self-critical. Since beginning the book I am already feeling a bit better. Just learning about the thought processes of a depressed person helped to make me realise that it is not my life or me that is wrong but simply the way I think. I have started to be more aware of my thinking and am feeling I have made some progress. Long way to go though...Another thing has happened to help me progress with the depression is that I have re-discovered my old self! These problems change you. The anxiety makes you feel scared of everything to the point where all is dangerous and must be avoided. OCD also makes you fearful of what might (but probably will not) happen with a sense of responsibility for it all. Depression makes you low and hopeless. Believing that you cannot do anything and are not enough as a person and with no way out. It is all very wearing and your personality changes to reflect these negative feelings. Or at least this is my experience. I have recently, at the same time as discovering the above book, reminded myself of my old self. The person I was during the short periods when I was free from all of this particularly during my teenage years. I thought I used to be joyful and enthusiastic. Where has that gone? By remembering who I was I tried to reconnect with that person and am feeling like I used to. Not all of the time but a lot of the time. Using the CBT for OCD and GAD (anxiety) and the book on depression gives me the skills to get a grip on these debilitating problems and to get back to being me not the person they have made me become. I must remember who I was before. The fight goes on...