Sunday, 16 October 2011

Slap in the face...

Us people with OCD can always find a reason not to do something. Things are too scary, too risky, too dangerous. There is always a reason to say no. I was invited to Turkey last week and at first thought it best not to go. Apart from the many “risks” involved with holidays I considered reasons not to go such as I am moving house soon therefore, I need to save money, I need to save my annual leave from work and I might be needed by the solicitor for example while I am away. I then decided I could really do with a holiday because of all the stress of moving and all the usual anxieties I go through and so I began to reconsider. I thought I was probably being typically over cautions because the facts are I could afford it, I will have two weeks annual leave left which is plenty for moving house and since I would only be away for one week if the solicitor or whoever else needed me they could wait that short time. I decided to go and felt good about the decision. I thought any “normal” person would decide to go and felt rather bold and decisive for once.

Then came the trouble. After making my “good” decision when I arrived the weather was terrible so I could not enjoy the usual beach and sea stuff that we generally go for then two days after arriving there was total disaster when I ended up in hospital because I caught an infection in my digestive system. I was on a drip and had to have antibiotics by intravenous injection. I have been given tablets I need to take and am on a special diet. I am feeling rather sorry for myself. I basically got no holiday and am thinking how could I have got it so wrong. I know I am not the only person who has gone on holiday and ended up in hospital but that does not make me feel much better. It really feels like a slap in the face when I felt I had done so well to beat my anxieties and over cautious behaviour and make a normal good decision.

I have become more fearful of germs and bacteria now too. I don't have that type of OCD but have tendencies towards it from time to time and this does not help. Hopefully that will pass. I hate feeling sorry for myself and it is not endearing...but I do. Boohoo. I will get over it though as you do.


  1. Sounds like me that you did what any other human would do. You made a decision, stuck with it, followed it through, and it didn't turn out how you expected. Life throws funny curveballs at us like this.

    It always passes. Going through ups and downs is par for the course. It's OK to feel sorry for yourself, I do on occasion but I always keep in the back of my mind that this bout of OCD, anxiety, whatever, is not permanent, it never lasts.

  2. You sound similar to me. I recently took the risk and went abroad and had a wonderful time but on the last day my OCD anxieties went haywire and knocked me for six - I do think stress is a major factor in exacerbating OCD symptoms.

    I too don't particularly suffer from germ contamination but occasionally have tendendancies towards it - It is strange in how it affects some in some ways and not others in the same.

    I have added you to my following list - I hope that's ok?

  3. Thanks. Sure, of course that's ok.