Slow progress

Well it's slow work climbing back up the hill again. My checking has improved slightly when leaving the house. I have managed to shave off about three minutes but there is still a long way to go. In am using CBT and my main point of focus is on walking away from things while gaining the strength to do so from the knowledge that ignoring that very thing will mean the compulsion is weaker next time.
I try to think of my goal and not just how scared and unsure I feel right now.

I am all for these bank holidays we're having in the UK right now but they really do not help with the locking up the house before work! Still, cannot really complain though :o).

By the way last night I used the tap in the bathroom and did not at all feel a compulsion to check it. That was a total one off. How is that?! Maybe I was in a brave and daring mood? Haha. Strange.

Back to the books...

Well it really is hard work. I was doing so well with my OCD until I had leave of responsibility and then it's all gone backwards as soon as I have returned to my responsibilities, namely locking up the house. I have struggled to lock the house up each day since I've been back from holiday with not much progress and have now dragged out the CBT book again. It's amazing how easily it returns when I'm not exercising my resistence. Like I said in my previous blog it's not back to square one but it's in that direction. This morning I think I made a little progress, especially with the window and taps. I am trying to remember that that overwhelming fear and compulsion to check is precisely the thing that will help me to beat it - by going against it. If I can just see each time that that very thing is what will take me to the place I was in before when I proved the doubt wrong by not giving in.

As predicted...

Well my husband is back at work now after his two weeks off meaning that out of the last five weeks I have only had to lock up the house for one week. This means that my security anxiety and consequent checking has not been challenged for all this time. Even though I was very much improved before, I have reverted back to having the compulsions. Although, they are not as strong as they were originally so it is only a small decline. I think I will climb back to the top again and this time it's only a hill rather than a mountain - but it's still very though. Here goes exposure again. Eeeeek!