Since my last bad anxiety attack I have decided to see a counsellor. It is a problem which needs dealing with. You see most of the time I am ok but on occasions the anxiety arises over relatively small issues and can last for days, transporting me to my own world of angst and negativity and fear. Then there are the extreme occasions when the anxiety is closer to terror which feels as though it will never leave. This I cannot cope with. I have only had two "getting to know you" sessions and we start the therapy in early January after the holiday period. I m not sure what to expect from the therapy as I have never been through the process before. I do hope that she can open up the mystery of the gripping fear which I feel during times of minor incidents. I know as much as I fear for my safety and I fear being wrong or irresponsible particularly in the eyes of others - but why? And how can I come to control it.
I have, in my desperation for a calm, peaceful and logical mind delved into the world of Buddhism or more accurately Mindfulness. It is a practice which involves being fully present in each moment, fully experiencing the sights, sounds and all which is happening, whilst also being aware of your thoughts and feelings and to observe them without necessarily being drawn in and acting upon them without thinking. This is intended to provide a more peaceful state of mind. If you are fully involved in the hear and now you cannot be worrying about the past which no longer exists, nor can you be worrying about the future which is not yet here. All you have is now. This, I think, is good for my anxiety. It also teaches to observe your thoughts and emotions without habitually acting upon them. Buddhism teaches that we all tend to live in our own world and that by being objective we can better understand the world and ourselves and how we relate to it. We also see the facts, what is really there rather than our own interpretation of it. This is another area I'm hoping will be useful to my anxiety. Perhaps I can, with practice, objectively look at my anxieties and see them for what they are a result of my insecurities and irrational fears and not a genuine threat. I have already experienced more peace in my mind since beginning to use Mindfulness. I do have high hopes for this to work.
