Back to normal...

Well I am back to work tomorrow. The rest is over. I am beginning to think about my week ahead and to anticipate what I have to do. Of course all the old anxieties are creeping out such as having to set my alarm which I check countless times and being back at work with a full inbox. This week and next I don't need to lock up when I leave for work as hubby has two weeks off work. I can look at this one of two ways 1) that this is good because I don't have to lock up :0) or 2) that this is not so good because it does not give me the opportunity to test myself and progress :0(. I can only imagine what my checking will be like once he is back at work! I will just focus for now on all the other checks I have to do at any time such as the taps and lights etc.

Don't need to check? But what if.....

Everyday I try not to check as do all of those with OCD. We tell ourselves over and again that we should not and sometimes manage not to. But what if? I know the words "what if" are very dangerous and destructive to those with OCD and we should not entertain them but what if someone leaves the back door unlocked? You usually try not to check it as 99 times out if 100 they remember to lock it. This morning I was about to leave for work and I noticed that the key was not in the cupboard next to my vitamins so I looked at the lock and there it was. I wondered if he'd turned the key highly suspecting he had not. I pulled the handle and it opened. I was annoyed because of the security risk but also because he knows I have OCD and that this will not help. So now I am left thinking does this mean I do have to check everything?! My rational mind says not but my OCD is giving me an evil grin. I wonder if I can put this down to one of those occasional things and continue to walk away from the doubt each time I get the urge to check. What do you think?

Sunshine therapy...sanity v safety

Well how nice it is to have the day off. It's boiling hot and I have had to come in from the garden. The sunshine really does make everything seem that bit more positive. I did a bit of shopping this morning for a few bits and pieces and something for lunch. I made the mistake of wearing a pair of new-ish snakeskin sandals which absolutely killed my poor feet. I think they'll have to be sitting down sandals - not what they are meant for but never mind. So here I am watching Wimbledon and thinking of writing about some of my OCD "episodes" which seems quite daunting.

I locked up with ease this morning. My way of thinking at the moment is that quite frankly my sanity and happiness are more important than whether the tv is unplugged. The fear of losing control is greater than my fear of what might happen if something is left on or unlocked.

Alarm...

I have been coping fairly well over the last few months with my compulsions to check. Some days are better than others. The repetition of internal thoughts has also been very good indeed apart from occasions usually when I am tired or under the weather. Since I have been really tired this week I have struggled a lot with repetitive thoughts but am hoping a restful weekend will help out with that. One thing though which I cannot seem to put a stop to is checking my alarm. Each night before I go to bed, on a "school" night, I have to check my alarm many times just in case I did not set it and I don't get up for work which I feel would be a disaster. I even have two alarms in case one does not go off but of course that means checking two! Does that make it easier or harder? Not sure. I used to go to bed each night repeating a list of things which worry me and the purpose of this is to reasure although it's pretty tough getting to sleep when you're repeating a list to yourself! I have started to do this again this last week because of my tired state of mind. Please let it pass. Still have to come up with a plan for the alarm checking though. Perhaps limit myself to two checks each alarm. Any ideas welcome.

Help! Is my CBT progress a problem?

I am confused now. It seems I am making progress with cognitive behaviour therapy but it is now causing me concern. Last night I went out for dinner and was quite relaxed before leaving the house. I did not feel such compulsion to check and just had a quick look around and did the obvious like shut the window, switch the heating off and lock the door. On my return I noticed that I did not unplug the TV or switch on the answer machine. The answer machine is not really important but what about the TV? Does conquering my OCD mean that I will be more likely to cause a disaster? Or is this just the OCD talking? I know people without OCD don't feel the need to check but if they return home and realise they left something on does this matter to them? Probably not. It just makes me think oh heck I should check. My rational mind though tells me that this is typical OCD thinking and that it's not a big deal. Do you know what I mean? Am I right? I hope I can continue to make progress and this won't set me back...