As predicted...

Well my husband is back at work now after his two weeks off meaning that out of the last five weeks I have only had to lock up the house for one week. This means that my security anxiety and consequent checking has not been challenged for all this time. Even though I was very much improved before, I have reverted back to having the compulsions. Although, they are not as strong as they were originally so it is only a small decline. I think I will climb back to the top again and this time it's only a hill rather than a mountain - but it's still very though. Here goes exposure again. Eeeeek!

Positively struggling on...

I seem to go through stages with my OCD. Bad patches and then good as of course we all do. It seems though when I have a good patch, that it will last forever and that I will continue to be improved. This of course is not the case but I believe can remain much improved with almost constant awareness and hard work. This of course is tough. Since falling the other day I have not had to run to the station and have not missed a train so I am improving somewhat. Some things I feel a need to check less than others according to what I fear most. At the moment I am doing better with most things but the thing I find so hard to leave is the basin tap in the bathroom. So worried it will flood when the thing is clearly not even on.

I have learned to not be so hard on myself for not doing 100% OCD exposure the whole time. As long as I am making some improvement most of the time then that is good enough. Remaining positive and remembering how far I have come is a great help.

OCD Exposure: Fell flat on my face at my first attempt - literally!

On my way to work on Monday morning I was running for my train and tripped. I banged my knee and cut it open. I sat there for a few seconds feeling a bit shocked and sorry for myself and then as I got up and slowly made my way to the train station the feeling quickly changed to annoyance. Why did I trip? Because I was running. Why was I running? Because I was late for the train? Why? Because it took me too long to lock up because I was not strict enough with my OCD. I then promised myself I would not be having to run for the train again and have managed the last two days to leave in good time but still feel I am giving in a bit too much. I reminded myself as I left the house this morning that complete exposure to OCD means not one little check. Not one! I wonder how I will do tomorrow...