Reunion, plumber (or not!), casual chic, more Pino Grigio...

Let's start where I left off with my blog of Friday. With a glass of Pino Grigio because I need one! What a weekend. Yesterday I was a bit nervous all day because I was going to a small college reunion in the evening. I was a bit nervous - not helped by the hunger I'm still feeling with the start of my new meals only diet. Anyway I did a few things and got myself ready. I was not at all sure what to wear which seemed so important especially when meeting people I haven't seen for so long. Do you go for the effortlessly casual chic or a bit more evening glam so you have clearly made an effort look? I wanted to wear my gorgeous dark blue, straight leg Levi's but the recent weight gain made it too uncomfortable not to mention unsightly what with the fat splodging out at the top - nice! So I went for my pale blue, straight leg Top Shop jeans which actually worked much better as they're a bit more laid back and worked well in contrast with my sexy black fitted long sleeved top from Zara. It's a bit low but not tarty low and has a bit of a shine to it. The overall look was chic and not too try hard. Result! Cor this isn't supposed to be a fashion blog. So off I went to Bond Street. I was a bit early and as I waited I began to wonder if I would be ok. I was beginning to feel a bit panicky. I was more than starving but determind to wait until dinner. Not even knowing if we'd eat out or just have drinks and eat when I got home. Turned out we just had drinks and the red wine staved off the hunger for a little while until beginning my third glass when I thought - this is the one too many, better stop. Luckily I had had the hindsight to let them know I couldn't do a late one so I left after a few more minutes. After grabbing a sandwhich and a small choccy bar on the way home I felt a bit more relaxed. I didn't sleep so well though. The hunger makes by brain hyper. When I got up this morning I was really OCD. Going over and over all sorts of insignificant things. Make it stop...

Then all those worries disappeared because of the appearance of another one. I could not turn off the shower. My husband had a go and it just wasn't turning off. The plumber promised he'd be here in an hour. That was 13:45 and he is still not here at 19:00! The shower is still on as we cannot get to the stop-cock! My anxiety level at the waste of water and the unresolved broken shower is sky high. I have been on the rescue remedy but it's not a cure. Time for that Pino Grigio (I realise that is no cure either).

Had enough now...

I have had enough now. I hate my weight and want to loose some. I have not been comfortable for a long while and that woman pointing it out the other day has really made me motivated now to do something about it. If she has noticed everyone has noticed. I wonder if people at work comment to each other? They must as everyone at work is obsessed with weight - even the guys! They always used to call me small and one woman used to say I was a tiny person which although I didn't object to I didn't really appreciate - now I do! So from yesterday I have decided to not go on a diet as such but just cut out snaks. Meals only should really shift the weight. It did last time although that turned into anorexia so I must watch myself. Wish me luck. Don't think me easily influenced. She only pointed out something I already feel uncomfortable about. I know what I want for myself and wouldn't be bothered by the comments of others if I was happy. I'm only effected because I'm not.

Only trouble is if I eat less (as I have said before) my anxiety increases as does the OCD. I guess I need to find ways of managing the anxiety and OCD when I am not able to stave it off by satisfying my appetite. All who reduce their calorie intake go through a period of constant background hunger. What am I supposed to do? Slowly get bigger so I end up physically unhealthy but with a healthy brain? What a choice!

Anyway, it's the weekend now so time for a glass of Pino Grigio and sod the calories.